I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
