i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
