areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
