508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
