He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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