this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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