When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
