Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize