I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
