Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
