I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
