The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just had sex bonerless
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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