I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
