where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
