what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
