i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
