i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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