That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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