i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
