Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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