Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
