You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
