Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you will always have a special place in my vag

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(519): View more from Ontario

ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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(817): View more from Texas

The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?

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(905): View more from Ontario

Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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(406): View more from Montana

I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(650): View more from California

Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?

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(989): View more from Michigan

What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.

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