I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
