I like to think it a success when the cops are called
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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