Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
