White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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