I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just forgot I was standing up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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