I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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