Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
