Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
