I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
