u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
