just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
