Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
