I CAN MOONWALK!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
