Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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