By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
