I'm pants shitting drunk right now
too bad you live with your parents still
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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