PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
