Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
