its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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