i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
