He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
