Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
