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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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