Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
