He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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