Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
