Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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