you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
