Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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