I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
