You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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