I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
