Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
