the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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