And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I deserve this hangover.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
