it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
