he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
