I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
