i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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