there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
