Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize