Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
