He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
