And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
