totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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