Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
