My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
