You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
