you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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