Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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