If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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