I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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