I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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