Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
