dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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