i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
