This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
