32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
