After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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