apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
