y did u give ur computer a hand job?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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