Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
