Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
